SIM JÜ - The Sole Reason Werne Exists

After a long waited 361 days the highly anticipated Sim Ju (I am not going to use that crazy u anymore because that forces me to switch my stupid keyboard to German then back to English and for one lousy letter its not worth it no matter how cool it looks) festival arrived and it literally took over Werne for four days of carnies, Carney food, Carney rides, Carney "you can't ever win even though it looks so easy to just throw the ball into the stupid bin but every time you throw it this magical Carney force propels the ball back out but here is a stupid trinket for playing that breaks ten minutes later" games, but most of all the guy auctioning off plants and the 1/2 meter bratwurst.

Here is a hypothetical day you could have at Sim Ju! You mosey on up and see a guy auctioning off exotic plants that look like he may have just dug them up from his backyard. You think "Oh, that one's nice I'll take it, I always wanted a palm tree in Germany." You continue on until you see the infamous 1/2 meter bratwurst. You think to yourself "I'm from America can I get a translation into inches please?" To your dismay you were thinking out loud and the Carney with a few missing teeth somehow knows perfect English or is a mathematician disguised as a Carney. He simply says to you "19.6850 inches, if you don't believe me Google it." You can't trust Carney folk so you whip out your blackberry and hes right. That's a lot of bratwurst. "I'll take one." You turn around, oh how conveniently the beer stand is directly behind you. "I'll take one." You are ordering in English but its a good thing you hold up one finger because its the universal "gimme one of them there things you are selling" sign.

"That bratwurst and beer were good what's next" you think to yourself. The creepy guy next to gives you a crazy look and then you remember to think with your mind not with your mouth. You continue on and there is the miniature version of the Eiffel Tower which signifies only one thing, CREPES. You get yourself a salami, cheese, and fish crepe because that is what everyone else got. You like this miniature theme so you decide to ride the mini-horses while you are eating your crepe. After the mini-horses you buy a curry-wurst, deep-fried mushrooms, pan-fried mushrooms, chocolate covered strawberries and bananas, Chinese noodles, pizza, a slushie, a pickle, a regular size bratwurst (because you thought it might taste different, guess what it didn't), cotton candy, and finish it off with a genuine American hamburger and hot dog. GOOD EATS.

Now that you have explored the culinary aspect of the fair you decide to check out the thrill rides. What better way to empty a stomach than rides that spin in 3 different directions and have been used as torture devices in many war torn countries. You decide to start off with something easy the spinning swings look nice. You then mosey over to the bumper cars and bust up some fools in the American flag car. After that you are feeling kind of daring and decide to take the Ferris wheel for a ride and the swings that give you a view of the city (see insert left, Anna and I rode the swings). You then realize how small Werne really is. Depressed for a second you cheer yourself up with another crepe. This time nutella and banana. GOOD EATS. Can't get enough of those crepes.

Now you feel like a champion but you still have the 3 dimensional spinning ride left to tackle. This ride flips while spinning in a circle and not to mention the whole ride is spinning at mach 10 as well. Good Luck!! After tasting again everything you tried that day and afterwards walking like a drunk guy taking a sobriety test you decide your thrill aspect is over for the evening and stumble to the beer tent for a nice evening of brew ha ha's and German folk music because it is only customary to leave Sim Ju with no money in your wallet. Those Carney folk do throw a good party though. Hooray for everything that Werne is and lives for.

On a more realistic yet probably still sarcastic note I heard of this Sim Ju no more than an hour after landing in Germany. As I was being escorted to Werne from the airport I asked what there was to do in Werne. The first thing the guy told me was that they have this huge festival in October where a half a million people come to. Its like a carnival he told me. A carnival it was. I may have heard about Sim Ju every day since that time until its arrival last Saturday. Most likely I will continue to hear about it until next year when it and the 1/2 meter bratwurst return in all their glory.